Favourites.

I miss being your favourite.

I've always been a favourite. To someone.

I was lots of peoples favourite not so long ago. Now, I'm just a pretend favourite. A convenience favourite.

Like when you go to the store and they're sold out of your favourite chocolate bar so you pick your 'second favourite' instead, and try to tell yourself it's just as good.

I'd even settle for being your favourite friend. Because favourite friends come before everyone else right? But they don't. You knew I was lieing when I said I was okay, you knew it. But you still left me, you left me by myself to cry so that you could spend time with her. And even when you did realise, you only sat with me for as long as you had to. You told me you loved me and that you'd make everything okay, you made promises that you claim you don't remember making! And then you went to her room, and took her to bed.

You claim to be the person in this place who cares about me the most and yet you left me. But the one guy on center who teases me and judges the most, who has never shown any sign of caring about me, noticed that I've been sad lately. He asked if I was okay and knew I was lieing. He was in the middle of cooking dinner for his girlfriend and yet he came and sat with me for half an hour. He tried to find out what was wrong and when he realised I didn't trust him enough to tell him he just sat and spoke with me. Asking about other things, just to show me that I could talk. And he has looked after me since.

You can't just pick and choose between us. Spend a night cuddled up with me. Or watch a DVD whilst stroking my skin and kissing my forehead. Then go and do the same with her. Does she even know you fell asleep in my bed that night? She was obviously hurt today when she found me in your room, even though there is 'nothing serious' between you.

Or how about the other morning when I came in to talk to you after our lovely night. I was standing in the doorway talking to you in your bed, I really wanted to climb in a have a cuddle to make me feel better, I was speaking about personal things, then I hear her voice! And she has been laid in bed with you the whole time. The whole night!! After everything the night before between us, you went and found her straight afterwards.

And what about when she leaves for France? Am I going to be your favourite again for two weeks? Then get dropped as soon as she comes back?

Then, to top it all off. The person who is my favourite. The one person that I really, truely love, who knows everything there is to know. Who I've shared so much with. Who I trust, and feel fully comfortable with. He can't make me his favourite anymore because it hurts him too much, because I'm too far away. And he has another. Not a favourite but a 'companion' someone who is just there because he needs someone. That isn't fair. He does the same thing. He spends nights with her, cuddles and kisses her, then speaks to me and tells me how much he misses me. Tells me he wants me. He loves me. Tells me she doesn't mean anything and that I mean everything. But it isn't enough. It isn't enough to make him change his mind.