Wednesday 6 January 2010

"Let's pretend..."


"Let's pretend we're a couple"
"I was going to say something else but then I grabbed your hand and thought it was appropriate."

We pretended a lot that weekend. We explored castles, and totem poles, sacred ruins and witches huts. We skipped through leaves, we raced through gardens, we climbed and jumped and captured it all in high definition Kodak Moments. For those two days we smiled and giggled and imagined more than we had in a long time.

And we were listened to.

Most importantly, we were listened to.
By someone who was actually interested. And interesting.
We shared secrets. We shared our imaginations.

"I've found it. This is the place where I'm going to kiss you."
You took my hand and led me round, lifted my head and our hearts beat faster than ever before.
But it was a pretend kiss.
It was all pretend.

The robin had told us. We had to pretend. We only got two days. Two days to pretend that we had everything we wanted.

We shared fantasies, romances, tales and dreams.

We kissed furiously, frantically, ripping at each others clothes, each others skin. We kissed each other with passion. We tested our trust. Our hands roamed and explored, exploring, exploring.

We kissed gently, warmly, teasing, tasting, savouring. We kissed each other with... something close to love. Pretend love? Our fingertips tracing, following the outline of each others skin, tickling. Gentle, gently, gently.

"I'm allowed to kiss you on the forehead if we're pretending I'm you're boyfriend."

I was allowed to fall asleep in your arms, you were allowed to watch me dreaming, we were allowed to hold hands.

We could even lie together naked, our bodies pressed against each other. And we could pretend it meant something. Or pretend it didn't.

We could have one last kiss.

It should have ended at that kiss.

As the rest of the world melted away and all that existed was us. Your lips against mine and your hands on my face, kissing me to make sure that I could never forget.

"Remember me" that kiss said.

But you told me to forget. You told me not to think about you.

Just like we didn't think about each other all summer.
Just like we didn't think about each other every time we looked up at the moon.
Just like we didn't think about each other every time we went on a terrible date. Sat opposite someone average, eating average food, asking average questions. Wishing that we could be by a brook, in amongst trees, surrounded by people, sitting on plastic bin liners, talking. Just talking, about everything, while people got drunkenly merry around us. Oblivious.
We pretended we'd forgotten about that.

Neither of us forgot.
That kiss wouldn't let us. After the world melted back, and the commuters had scurried on by at record speed to catch up, part of us was left with that kiss.

We pretended that we could make it work. In another lifetime.

We pretended it was all just an amazing dream.
And we waited to wake up.

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