Pretending.

I'm so tired of pretending.

Believing is amazing, it can get you anything. Fantasy. But pretending, pretending about real things. Things that matter. People just get hurt.

Its seems as though everyone is pretending at the moment. Pretending to like people, pretending not to like people. Pretending everything is okay, pretending nothing is okay. Pretending to be something they're not.

Lets pretend, for a second. That you weren't an illusion. That you really were everything I pretended to people, to myself, that you were. My lovely, sweet, caring magician. My best friend. Instead of the selfish, insensitive illusionist you really are. If we pretend that you're real then its logical that I'd still have feelings for you. And be hurt that you've turned into her hero all of sudden. It makes sense for me to read that letter, the letter that had me walking on air for days and smile at all the sweet things you say, and be sad that you don't feel that way anymore. But, lets be realistic now, you said you still meant them the last time I saw you, then two days later you meant them to her. I shouldn't still be angry about this, I shouldn't still miss you but I do. I pretended for so long that you were amazing. I miss the illusion.

And how about 'almosts' are they the same as pretending? We pretended for a while I know. We pretended that we didn't feel the way we did. We pretended that the intense, heart racing, butterflies and tingles feeling we get everytime we touch was nothing but physical attraction. That we could speak for hours because we had so much to catch up on. We pretended two days was enough. Then we realised it wasn't, stop pretending. But did we? If I'm almost your girlfriend does that mean we're pretending that I am?

Okay.. lets tell a different story. A different pretence. Lets pretend that I am in love with you. I might be. But I might be more in love with him. Or with an illusion. Is it really worth you being so upset that we're apart if its not real? Or me being so lonely?

I don't know. I want a real life. One where all the stories fit together in the right place. Where everything matches. One life. Not three, or four.

I'm sick of other people pretending too. We both know that you like eachother. Just get on with it instead of playing us both for fools. Its clear to everyone whats going on and you both owe it to us to be honest. Instead of touching eachother when you think we're not looking or springing apart when one of us enters the room. We're all adults, we live and work together. And maybe it will hurt for a while, especially for him. But we'll get over it, and we'd rather that than be messed around. Oh, and by the way, stop pretending that you're not a hypocrit. You're doing to him exactly what he did to your best friend with her. And you hated her for it. Now you want to be with her.